Monday, April 18, 2011

It's Been a While...

So I'm pretty sure it's been about a month since I have really been on my computer, much less have I sat down to blog. Having a smartphone almost eliminates me needing to get on a computer most of the time. But, nevertheless here I am attempting to get back in the groove of things again. The last time I was on here I was discussing my upcoming RPLND. The procedure went extremely well. They were able to remove the tumor as well as salvage my kidney. I was extremely happy to hear that. But I'm not gonna lie, I had never been so nervous about anything since having been diagnosed. On a good note though, the morning I was leaving my doctor came in to give me some news regarding my tumor markers. He informed me that they had dropped by over half since the surgery and that was exactly what was supposed to happen. He then went on to tell me that what should happen from that point on is that the numbers would continue to drop to a normal level. We'll find out in 8 days...

You would think that after hearing news like that you would overjoyed. I have had the hardest time being optimistic. I don't know why. Is it because I thought I had it licked last summer and it came back to punch me in the face later? Is it Satan trying to have me doubt God's healing power? Or, WAS it just me being a "negative Nancy"? I'm sure you noticed I just bolded and capitalized the word "was". Reason being;

I had fallen into a funk a few days after returning from the hospital (hence why there has been no updates in a while). You could almost say I was in a borderline depression. I was in pain, I couldn't really eat, I was   still getting nauseous, and I was having a hard time sleeping at night. I was frustrated with the way my life was going. Last Wednesday I decided I would go to All Campus Sing at Murray State. It is a competition where different residential colleges, independent divisions, fraternities, and sororities sing on the steps of Lovett in hopes to win a cash prize. It was really nice to get out of the house and see old friends and listen to some music. That night I kept thinking about how much different my life would be at this point had I not been diagnosed. Of course the next day I was back to my old depressed self, until Dianne talked to me and gave me some good advise. She told me that she could be depressed as well, but she makes a conscious decision not to. She said she has to high of hopes for the future to continue to let cancer bring her down. That made so much sense. I remember thinking to myself, "why didn't I think of that?"

So that's where I am today, I'm feeling better everyday, getting my appetite back, and haven't been sick in almost a week, and am not going to let cancer own me.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -Philippians 4:13

1 comment:

  1. PAUL.
    1. I was so excited this morning when I saw you had updated your blog
    2. I am encouraged by your post. Especially the part of Dianne talking about choosing to not be depressed.

    Like thinking of God’s provision for us – His gift of provision rarely comes in a package that you and I would want it to be in. Sometimes we don’t like how it is wrapped—sometimes the wrapping hurts , like the loss of a job or a relationship, or cancer. And when those things happen, its hard to believe that God is good. Its hard to choose joy. But it is one thing to believe that God is good, but it is another thing to trust that He is good. He works all things together for the good of those who love Him (Rom 8.28)

    Anyways. This is good stuff. And I’ve been struggling and dealing with choosing joy lately, so this is post resonates with my thought process as of lately. Keep pressing on.